This is simple documentation. All of this—the entire blog. I want to remember my life the way I experienced it while it was happening. That’s why I take photos, that’s why I post on this blog that no one reads (though, I read through it myself quite frequently).
I can’t not write about the pandemic of the hour (century), COVID19. We are all at home now, all the time, trying to keep the spread of the virus to a minimum. Some of us are taking this more seriously than others, but slowly government leaders are realizing they need to be the ones to tell people what they can and can’t do because Americans are not great at self-regulating their activities (smells like entitlement). Today, about three weeks too late in my opinion, the Atlanta mayor shut down restaurants, bars, gyms, salons, etc. Her decision followed that of a few governors across the country, and I imagine many more are still to follow. The frustration I feel toward our nation’s president and the many governors (including Brian Kemp of GA) who refuse to acknowledge their role in stopping the economy in a timely manner to save lives is manifesting itself as severe anxiety. I can’t do anything to get them to listen to scientists. I can’t do anything to get them to address the public in the way a leader should. So, instead I just worry about it all the time. Hopefully this anxiety slows to a dull simmer now that Atlanta has effectively shut down its social spaces.
Not only is all of this going on, but we are all expected to work like we always have worked (assuming you didn’t get laid off), just now from home (assuming you can feasibly do your job remotely). And, I know people don’t fully expect productivity to not have tapered off, but there are just as many articles circulating about the threat of the virus as there are about the threat of not being productive while working from home. I am currently an instructor for a research methods lab course, and with three weeks left in the semester, my mentality is just to get through it, so as to not burden my students with added stress during this time. I am also slotted to teach my first lecture course this summer—it will be made even more challenging given the circumstances. But, at the end of the day, I have no concerns over not having health insurance or whether I will be able to pay my rent. My heart breaks for those who are concerned over these things in addition to their fears of the virus itself. If anything, this pandemic has shown American leaders (conservatives mostly, progressives have know this for a while) for the first time how insecure most Americans are day-to-day, not that they won’t put their greed before anything else after this is over anyway.
Since everything else is pure terrifying choas, I have been trying to turn my attention to the seemly superficial silver linings I’ve identified in the early days of self-isolation. First, I have been talking to my long-distance friends so much more than we normally do. Social distancing (which should be called physical distancing, but whatever) has taught me how to use the internet to really stay in touch with people, since that is all we have now. Group video chats aren’t the real thing, but they are close and a great escape from the inundation of news articles I can’t stop reading. Second, I’ve realized that when I don’t plan on seeing anyone (except Anthony) for an entire day, I dress more true to how I feel. I edit my instincts less, which means I get dressed in a short five minutes as opposed to trying on four outfits until it feels ‘right,’ and wear brighter colors and make my clothes speak louder. I think I will continue with this fashion mindset after this is all over with.
To close (because I could go on and on and on), the sooner we shut everything down the sooner this will be over. But nothing is happening with any urgency, except the spread of the virus.