We all have that one thing that feels inexplicably “ours.” For me that thing is self doubt. It is the most reoccurring theme in my life. I wish I could claim something more positive or honorable, but truthfully I doubt myself more than anything else I do. Sometimes it is subliminal, while other times doubt is the only thing I can hear. This is not to say that I am not out there doing shit, that I am just wallowing; but, let it be clear, I do it all with this loyal friend by my side. In the bouts of this familiar negative self talk, saying rational, logical facts and listing all the quantifiable things I have accomplished fall on deaf ears.
Maybe one day I’ll look back on this old friend, self doubt, and not know who she is, but ever since I can remember she has been loyally by my side.
photo taken by Miriam. unintentional light leak by me. on expired film.